Jump to content

What's putting a smile on your dial?


Recommended Posts

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashamed. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

New York Bar:

Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill.

Bill: “While you are in New York, there is a bar that you have to go to. When you walk through the front door, you are handed a free drink. Then you can go to the back room and get laid. Come back up to the bar, and you get another free drink. Then you can get laid again. It goes on like this all night.”

Frank: “That sounds unbelievable. Have you really been there?”
Bill: “No, but my sister has.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some oldies but goodies

 

How many men does it take to open a beer??

None. It should be opened when she brings it.?

-------------------------------------------------------------------?

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman??

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably

never be able to support you.?

--------------------------------------------------------------------?

Why do women have smaller feet than men??

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to

the kitchen sink.?

----------------------------------------------- --------------------?

Why do men pass gas more than women??

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.?

-------------------------------------------------------------------?

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door,

who do you let in first??

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.?

-------------------------------------------------------------------?

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig??

A woman who won't do what she's told?

-------------------------------------------------------------------?

I married a Miss Right.?

I just didn't know her first name was Always.?

-------------------------------------------------------------------?

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.?

It's called a Wedding Cake.?

-------------------------------------------------------------------?

Why do men die before their wives??

They want to.?

-------------------------------------------------------------------?

Women will never be equal to men

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think

they are sexy.?

-------------------------------------------------------------------?

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.?

Then God created Man and rested.?

Then God created Woman.?

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.?

 
  •  
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Geez @Joz you know how to get yourself into trouble. Guess I'm a glutton for punishment as well.

Here's some more.......

 

Why do women get married in white?

Aren't all kitchen appliances white.

 

How do you give a woman an orgasm?

Who cares.

 

Why do women have orgasms?

It gives them something else to moan about.

 

I have more but my missus just walked in the room and I value my life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A kid asks his dad how babies were made, So dad says Adam and Eve were the first  Mum and Dad, They slept together and made the first  baby, And people have done it like that ever since, Kid says thanks dad and goes and asks Mum, So mum says, Evolution son, We come from Monkeys, So the kid runs back to Dad and calls him a liar, Mum said we come from monkeys, So dad says , Thats true son but that's your Mother's side of the family :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...