CarreraG50 Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 http://lolsnaps.com/upload_pic/ThelittlelightsaysIneedtoaddoil-55959.gif Reminds me of a mate who lent his wife the old ute-: Check the oil on the dipstick (showed her how) when it get's to this mark add 2 lts of oil. Gets home after working away for two week's, oil all over the drive way. What happened, "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET THE OIL IN THAT LITTLE HOLE" Yep, she was filling it up through the dipstick tube. true story..... cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 Almost as good as my weekend brain fade when i was trying to open the deck lid. Kept pulling the bonnet release (the bonnet was already open-battery on charge). I couldn't work out why the deck lid wasn't opening!!!!..took me about 15 minutes before i realised i was pulling the wrong lever. I even got my key and locked and then unlocked the bonnet release. Ive owned it about 8 years and was sober..go figure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airhead Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 Well it didn't say on the bottle to add oil INTO the engine did it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.J. Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 Almost as good as my weekend brain fade when i was trying to open the deck lid. Kept pulling the bonnet release (the bonnet was already open-battery on charge). I couldn't work out why the deck lid wasn't opening!!!!..took me about 15 minutes before i realised i was pulling the wrong lever. I even got my key and locked and then unlocked the bonnet release. Ive owned it about 8 years and was sober..go figure lol Danny too funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeM Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 My first car 30 years ago, a Mk 2 Cortina. Decided I'd change the oil coz my dad told me too. I got all excited to be working on my own car, got it up on ramps, removed sump plug and dumped the oil. Then I rolled it off the ramps and started it up to go buy the oil The engine noise at the end of the driveway was a bit of a giveaway that I'd done something in the wrong order Idiot I reckon my dad nearly had a heart attack laughing so hard! Bastard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazzieman Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 Something I'd expect from one of those fancy TV chefs , but not a blonde... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 My first car 30 years ago, a Mk 2 Cortina. Decided I'd change the oil coz my dad told me too. I got all excited to be working on my own car, got it up on ramps, removed sump plug and dumped the oil. Then I rolled it off the ramps and started it up to go buy the oil The engine noise at the end of the driveway was a bit of a giveaway that I'd done something in the wrong order Idiot I reckon my dad nearly had a heart attack laughing so hard! Bastard You win !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvs11 Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 just add some vinegar, salt and pepper, and the mini salad's done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvs11 Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 ... but not a blonde... This has to be a set-up, how would she know how to open the hood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazzieman Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 http://www.wikihow.com/Cook-Food-on-Your-Car's-Engine Dozy bint should put oil in before alfoil parceled up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caver Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 This is starting to sound like the "710" joke.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvs11 Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 http://www.wikihow.com/Cook-Food-on-Your-Car's-Engine Dozy bint should put oil in before alfoil parceled up. use the 911 engine cover to grill your steak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russ Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 I've heard of someone who filled an engine with oil... rather than to the max level on the dipstick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazzieman Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 use the 911 engine cover to grill your steak The cover? I would've thought just under the shroud of an aircooled 911- to get those nice grill marks , or draped over the heat exchangers - hey for some of you guys , it would be a self saucing pudding ,lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyberpunky Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 I've heard of someone who filled an engine with oil... rather than to the max level on the dipstick A mate of mine did this with a work truck. His dad always looked after his car, so he had no idea and when his co-worker said fill her up with oil, he did. It killed the motor when the co-worker kept trying to start it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Man Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 I've heard of someone who filled an engine with oil... rather than to the max level on the dipstick I can imagine that happening more than some idiot pouring it all over the engine.............pretty bloody funny though!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie944S Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 How's this for stupid. Couple of blokes checking the date on tyres at a hire car place due to a request from there management, some dates are on the inside face of the tyre so requires you to poke your head or part of your body under the car and when one was up in the wheel arch he told his mate to drive it forward while he was half under the car. POP goes the weasel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coastr Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 I can imagine that happening more than some idiot pouring it all over the engine.............pretty bloody funny though!!!!! My brother did this to his first car. It sounded horrible, but then he just kept driving it, all the seals blew out and he seized it when there was none left. Went through about 10 litres of oil in a little 4 cyl. Sadly the state of his current wheels show that little has changed - its got a rust hole you could put your fist in, covered with electrical tape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazzieman Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 Men vs. Women: How to Change Oil It really is different. WOMEN: 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Valvoline Instant Oil Change when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change. 2. Drink a cup of coffee while they change the oil. 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Cost: $29.99 oil change, $2.00 coffee. Total $32.00 MEN: 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to the auto parts store. Buy a case of oil, oil filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner (don't forget a little tree air freshener). Write a check to the auto parts store for approximately $50. 2. Stop by 7/11 on the way home, buy a case of beer. Write a check for $20.00. 3. Drive home with oil and beer. 4. Open beer, enjoy it. 5. Spend 30 minutes looking for the jack stands. 6. Find the jack stands (finally) under the kid's pedal car, jack the car up. 7. Open another beer, drink it. 8. Place drain pan under engine. 9. Look for 9/16" box end wrench for drain plug 10. Give up looking ten minutes later, find crescent wrench. 11. Unscrew drain plug. 12. Drop drain plug into pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil onto your hands and face in the process. Cuss and swear. 13. Crawl out from under car, wipe hot oil from hands and face. Throw some kitty litter on the spilled oil. 14. Open another beer while watching the last drops of oil drain. 15. Spend 30 minutes looking for the oil filter wrench. 16. Give up looking for oil filter wrench, crawl under car and hammer a flat-head screwdriver through the oil filter and twist it off. 17. Crawl out from under car, splashing hot oil everywhere from newly made holes in oil filter. 18. Cleverly hide used oil filter in trash to avoid those pesky environmental penalties. Open another beer. 19. Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to the gasket. 20. Pour the first quart of new oil into engine. 21. Oops! Now remember the drain plug (removed in step 11). It's still swimming in the now-warm oil in the drain pan. 22. Throw more kitty litter on the quart-sized oil puddle on the floor. 23. Open another beer and drink it. 24. Find drain plug with a minimum of spillage, hand-tighten in drain plug socket. Drink beer. 25. Crawl under car (getting oily kitty litter embedded in neck and arms). Tighten drain plug with crescent wrench, but this time, it's slippery. Bang your knuckles on the frame while tightening drain plug. 26. Throw crescent wrench across the garage in anger. Throw a fit because crescent wrench hits bowling trophy (which wife wouldn't let stay in the house). 27. Open another beer and drink it. 28. Clean hands, bandaging where needed to stop blood flow. 29. Pour in five quarts of fresh oil. 30. Lower car from jack stands. Smile at your handiwork. Open another beer and drink it. 31. Move car back to discover oil puddles you missed; apply more kitty litter to missed areas. 32. Test drive car to make sure oil doesn't leak. 33. Get pulled over a block from the house by local police, get arrested for DUI. 34. Call loving wife and bail bondsman. 35. Next day, get car out of impound yard. Cost: $50 parts, $20 beer, Impound fee $75, Bail $1500, DUI $2500 minimum. Total $4145 (but you know the job was done right!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caver Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 Step 16. I know only too well......on my old Passat that was.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Man Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 Can't believe you guys are hanging it on us blokes instead of the fairer sex!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm putting forward a formal complaint to the mods!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coastr Posted 1July, 2013 Report Share Posted 1July, 2013 Step 16. I know only too well......on my old Passat that was.... You dont know skinned knuckles until you've tried to get the filter off a transverse mazda turbo engine. Small and hidden between intake and firewall and engine mount. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie944S Posted 2July, 2013 Report Share Posted 2July, 2013 Haha that write up is like spot on. I have all the tools but none of the ones I need. I also enjoy 3rd degree burns from oil and drinking myself into a coma after a job well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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