Arne Krix Posted 19June, 2020 Report Share Posted 19June, 2020 Life can be depressing enough. I reckon we could start a new topic . Butt shots , gracious pictures are great for a keen look , but I appreciate a good laugh once in a while. Why no posting jokes.? I'll start it , maybe it catches on. : ' If you want to get married , do it late in the day'. Why? 'If it does not work out , you haven't wasted the whole day'. Boom.😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wilson59 Posted 19June, 2020 Report Share Posted 19June, 2020 Horse walks into a bar . Barman says why the long face ? Carrera28 and Arne Krix 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arne Krix Posted 19June, 2020 Author Report Share Posted 19June, 2020 Dad asks his son to make him a Coffee . So he does and as Dad is drinking it , the son asks: " How is the coffee Dad'? Dad : 'Your coffee to me feels like making love to a beautiful woman in a canoe '.' What do you mean ', the son replies. Dad :' Too close to water.' tomo 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wilson59 Posted 19June, 2020 Report Share Posted 19June, 2020 Had a friend go to the zoo today it only had a dog in it . It was a Shitzu JV911, GC9911, Troubleshooter and 3 others 3 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrera28 Posted 19June, 2020 Report Share Posted 19June, 2020 Fred was walking down the street, when his best friend Joe pulled up in a brand new Porsche. "Where the hell did you get Porsche?", Fred asked in disbelief. "Well," Joe replied, "Last night I was at a bar and started dancing with this girl. When the bar closed, she motions for me to follow her. We jump in her Porsche, and drive off into the mountains. She stops, jumps out of the car, takes off all her clothes, and tells me, 'You can have anything you want.' So I took the car." "That was pretty smart", said Fred, "Seeing as how her clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway." 3legs, Arne Krix, GTP911 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KGB Posted 19June, 2020 Report Share Posted 19June, 2020 Fred; my wife crashed my Porsche! Bob; is she hurt? Fred; not yet, she’s locked herself in the bathroom. 3legs, JV911, Arne Krix and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arne Krix Posted 19June, 2020 Author Report Share Posted 19June, 2020 Big annual convention in America in a football stadium. 80000 blondes attend to proof to the world that they are not dumb. The most intelligent one has been found and now answers a set of questions to show how smart she is. The crowd is exited . First question : multiply 7x7 . Your answer? After some awkward deliberation she smiles: My answer is 64. The host is clearly disturbed and tells her the answer is not quite correct. The Stadium erupts and 80000 blondes start to chant: Give her another chance , give her another chance! Well than , the host goes , lets try this again , maybe we start a little easier : Multiply 3x 5, please. Without too much hesitation she goes: '15'. The stadium immediately erupts: Give her another chance..... 👱♀️ Troubleshooter and tomo 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3legs Posted 20June, 2020 Report Share Posted 20June, 2020 Ok these will be probably be banned as they will be deemed sexist but they are still funny so here goes............................... Did you know that all babies are born male.............they cut the dicks of the dumb ones. Why do women have orgasms?............ It gives them something else to moan about. Why do women get married in white?.............Aren't all kitchen appliances white. How do you give a woman an orgasm?.................who cares. To all the woman reading these jokes , please they are just jokes. I'm married to an Italian and even she laughs at them ( after she wacked me over the head ) 😂 I have a few that are really not appropriate so I can't put them here. JV911, Arne Krix and Troubleshooter 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arne Krix Posted 20June, 2020 Author Report Share Posted 20June, 2020 Thin ice you’re walking on 😂 3legs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airhead Posted 20June, 2020 Report Share Posted 20June, 2020 A pair of jumper leads walk into a bar. The Barman says " Now don't you start anything." tomo and Arne Krix 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arne Krix Posted 20June, 2020 Author Report Share Posted 20June, 2020 What is the difference between a crummy old bus stop and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skidmarks Posted 20June, 2020 Report Share Posted 20June, 2020 Whats the difference between a dead lawyer on the road and a dead kangaroo on the road? There are skid-marks in front of the Kangaroo ... Troubleshooter, Arne Krix and Redracn 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arne Krix Posted 20June, 2020 Author Report Share Posted 20June, 2020 11 minutes ago, Skidmarks said: Whats the difference between a dead lawyer on the road and a dead kangaroo on the road? There are skid-marks in front of the Kangaroo ... Boom boom What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff? An accident. What do you call a tragedy? If there was a spare seat in the bus. 3legs, Troubleshooter and Skidmarks 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arne Krix Posted 21June, 2020 Author Report Share Posted 21June, 2020 Grasshopper walks in to a bar. Barman says ‘you’re a grasshopper,we have a drink named after you’. Grasshopper says:’ Really??? ‘Gordon’?? firstone and Troubleshooter 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arne Krix Posted 21June, 2020 Author Report Share Posted 21June, 2020 Termite walks in to a bar and asks;" Where is the bar tender'? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeM Posted 21June, 2020 Report Share Posted 21June, 2020 A piece of string walks into a bar and has his hair tied up and teased at the ends, and the barman says "Hey, aren't you the piece of string I kicked out the other day?" String says "Nah mate, I'm a frayed knot Troubleshooter, Arne Krix and firstone 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airhead Posted 21June, 2020 Report Share Posted 21June, 2020 Saw a mate the other day I hadn't seen around for a while. While chatting he said "Do you have any nude pictures of your wife?" "What?" I said, somewhat taken aback. "No, I do not" trying to sound dignified. "Do you want some" he asked. 🙄 luzzo and Arne Krix 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harsh Posted 21June, 2020 Report Share Posted 21June, 2020 What did Cinderella say when she got to the Ball ? Nothing she just gagged a little 3legs, Arne Krix and tomo 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JV911 Posted 21June, 2020 Report Share Posted 21June, 2020 Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he's a fun-gi. Why did he leave? There wasn't mushroom inside. Arne Krix 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jakroo Posted 26June, 2020 Report Share Posted 26June, 2020 This is my typical home internet speed.....I'm on ADSL2 but we are located just under 7kms from the exchange so it's not like being in suburbia...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamr Posted 26June, 2020 Report Share Posted 26June, 2020 6 minutes ago, jakroo said: This is my typical home internet speed.....I'm on ADSL2 but we are located just under 7kms from the exchange so it's not like being in suburbia...... So I take it that your response to that question is going to be "0"? ... 🤣🤣🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jakroo Posted 26June, 2020 Report Share Posted 26June, 2020 sorry for the delay in response, it's taken 15 min to load this page....and the answer would be approximating 0....if I could be bothered trying to reload the speedtest page 🙂 Dreamr 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arne Krix Posted 26June, 2020 Author Report Share Posted 26June, 2020 tomo and Carrera28 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrera28 Posted 26June, 2020 Report Share Posted 26June, 2020 What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause. Arne Krix and tomo 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomo Posted 26June, 2020 Report Share Posted 26June, 2020 Arne Krix 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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