What's putting a smile on your dial?

[Joz]

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other a Chihuahua
As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go into  that pub for a drink."
 
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
 
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
 
They walked over to the pub and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
 
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog I'm partially blind" The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
 
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
 
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a guide dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
 
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog"
 
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?" The woman with the Chihuahua said,
 
"A Chihuahua? They gave me a freaking Chihuahua.........

[tomo]

[3legs]

[Raven]

According to the manufacturer these have unmatch stopping power 

 

[tomo]

[OZ930]

The positioning of the pyramid on the cigarette pack wasn’t really well thought out was it ?

Camel taste !   No wonder the guy doesn’t look happy.

[tomo]

9 hours ago, OZ930 said:

The positioning of the pyramid on the cigarette pack wasn’t really well thought out was it ?

Camel taste !   No wonder the guy doesn’t look happy.

Yes, They are only 8mg of tar and have filters, Filter less were the the go with 16 mg of tar and that real Camel taste

[GC9911]

55 minutes ago, tomo said:

Yes, They are only 8mg of tar and have filters, Filter less were the the go with 16 mg of tar and that real Camel taste

I had a boss once who smoked Camel’s without filters, (back in the day when smokers had an ashtray on their desk 😂😂) about 2 months after I started he went in to have his left lung removed. He came back to work & kept smoking 😱😱😱😱.

[sleazius]

46 minutes ago, GC9911 said:

I had a boss once who smoked Camel’s without filters, (back in the day when smokers had an ashtray on their desk 😂😂) about 2 months after I started he went in to have his left lung removed. He came back to work & kept smoking 😱😱😱😱.

Safe to say he didn't live a long life 😮

[tomo]

. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied: Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!" —
 

[Joz]

[Joz]

The Art Dealer’s Wife 🤣
A lawyer representing a wealthy art dealer called him and said “Saul, I have good and bad news for you”
The art dealer replied, “I’ve had a terrible day, give me the good news first.”
“Well”, he said, “ I met with your wife yesterday and she told me she had bought two pictures for $5000 and she thinks they might be worth $5 - 10 million !”
“Fantastic woman, my wife, and a very smart businesswoman too!” said the art dealer. “What’s the bad news?”
The lawyer replied, “the pictures are of you banging your secretary”🤣

[tomo]

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

[Niko]

[Yeatesy]

[tomo]

After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, “You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay.

“So the doctor gives the man the tablets, and the patient asks, “Do I have to take them every day?” No,” replies the doctor, “take one on a Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip the Thursday and go on like that. “Two weeks later, the doctor walks down the street and sees the patient’s wife.” Hello Mrs Murphy,” he says, “how’s your husband?”

Oh, he died of a heart attack,” says Mrs Murphy.

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets, he would be all right.”, “Oh, the tablets were fine,” says Mrs Murphy,

“It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!”

 

[tomo]

[Joz]

[tomo]

Very rare slant nose.

 

[sleazius]

2 hours ago, tomo said:

Very rare slant nose.

 

That is next level.

[LeeM]

 Obrut will be onto that quick smart! 😎

 

🤮

[tomo]

[Raven]

[Raven]

[Joz]