Joz Posted 27December, 2022 Report Share Posted 27December, 2022 I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”.And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. 3legs, MFX, Yeatesy and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoHeadsTas Posted 28December, 2022 Report Share Posted 28December, 2022 Finished putting together my Birthday / Xmas present from my daughter and her partner 🙂 Not a funny, but I did smile while I put it together - about 8 or 9 hours or so I reckon.... And this thing is f'n huge..... DM911, P-Kay, tomo and 6 others 8 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFX Posted 29December, 2022 Report Share Posted 29December, 2022 On 27/12/2022 at 22:59, Joz said: I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”.And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. 3legs, TwoHeadsTas and SteveF 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OZ930 Posted 31December, 2022 Report Share Posted 31December, 2022 Joz, Carrera28, tomo and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joz Posted 1January, 2023 Report Share Posted 1January, 2023 Dalai, Carrera28, P-Kay and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joz Posted 2January, 2023 Report Share Posted 2January, 2023 Troubleshooter, Arne Krix, sjm and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dobbo Posted 2January, 2023 Report Share Posted 2January, 2023 A guy walks into the pub with a head the size of a softball and orders a beer, drinks it and orders another when the barmaid asks about the size of his head. Funny story he replies. I was walking along a deserted beach when I noticed a bottle sticking out of the sand. I picked it up and gave it a rub and a beautiful Genie appeared. I'm the Genie of the lamp three wishes I must grant. I could'nt believe it at first but started to make my wishes. First wish I asked for was a mansion overlooking the beach it was granted. The second I asked all the sand on the beach turned to gold all for me. Third wish was for her to make love to me there and then. That is against the law of the Genies you must choose another wish. So I said how about a little head then. Joz, sjm, tomo and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joz Posted 3January, 2023 Report Share Posted 3January, 2023 Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " Our patrol helicopter clocked you at 80 mph. sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut." The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" "Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking." sjm, Carrera28, Yeatesy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomo Posted 5January, 2023 Report Share Posted 5January, 2023 Harsh and MFX 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OZ930 Posted 6January, 2023 Report Share Posted 6January, 2023 Car pool anyone ? tomo, TwoHeadsTas, Harsh and 1 other 1 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joz Posted 6January, 2023 Report Share Posted 6January, 2023 A young Sydney woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the harbour. Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ." "I see," the captain said. Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Manly Ferry." Yeatesy, TwoHeadsTas, Harsh and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomo Posted 6January, 2023 Report Share Posted 6January, 2023 Carrera28, 3legs and Yeatesy 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomo Posted 7January, 2023 Report Share Posted 7January, 2023 3legs, Troubleshooter and P-Kay 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted 9January, 2023 Report Share Posted 9January, 2023 Porsche win,s summernats Street Machine Grand Master award and the bogan,s are not happy SteveF, MFX, Harvs11 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeM Posted 9January, 2023 Report Share Posted 9January, 2023 Raven and TwoHeadsTas 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mttel Posted 9January, 2023 Report Share Posted 9January, 2023 The write up on the build is very interesting, lots of bespoke parts. https://www.whichcar.com.au/features/livi-porsche-911-sc Raven, Yeatesy and tomo 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomo Posted 9January, 2023 Report Share Posted 9January, 2023 That's stopped the lag. Joz and P-Kay 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OZ930 Posted 10January, 2023 Report Share Posted 10January, 2023 20 hours ago, Raven said: Porsche win,s summernats Street Machine Grand Master award and the bogan,s are not happy TwoHeadsTas, 3legs and Raven 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted 10January, 2023 Report Share Posted 10January, 2023 sorry but I only have the one available TwoHeadsTas, Carrera28 and 3legs 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joz Posted 10January, 2023 Report Share Posted 10January, 2023 3legs, TwoHeadsTas, Carrera28 and 3 others 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joz Posted 10January, 2023 Report Share Posted 10January, 2023 Carrera28, TwoHeadsTas, 3legs and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomo Posted 12January, 2023 Report Share Posted 12January, 2023 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3legs Posted 12January, 2023 Report Share Posted 12January, 2023 You know she's lying. She's not blonde (let's see how long before I get banned ). tomo 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomo Posted 12January, 2023 Report Share Posted 12January, 2023 P-Kay, Joz and 3legs 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harsh Posted 12January, 2023 Report Share Posted 12January, 2023 political correctness LeeM, Joz, tomo and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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