What's putting a smile on your dial?

[LeeM]

 Need more countries to adopt this response to these Stop Oil idiots.

[Troubleshooter]

7 hours ago, tomo said:

Can I laugh at it twice 😂😂  ... ten times 🤣🤣🤣.......

[tomo]

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husband’s best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.

“Hello Paddy, where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory.”

Paddy shakes his head. “Ah, Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned.”

Mrs McMillen starts crying. “Oh don’t tell me that, did he at least go quickly?”

Paddy shakes his head. “Not really – he got out three times to pee!” 😀

[tomo]

Barber
O'Rourke, the barber, was hearing complaints from his customer about the price of his services. “I tell you O'Rourke, you Dublin barbers have a stranglehold on the citizens. I was in New York just last month, and you charge me double what they charge there.”
“That may be true, Sir,” said the barber, “but think of the airfare.” 😀

[tomo]

[Joz]

[LeeM]

Aaah yep 🥺🥺

[tomo]

George Harrison's car a Porsche Beetle 😉

[tomo]

[Joz]

[tomo]

An old Irish man is lying in bed, very ill. His son is sitting at his bedside, expecting the end to come at any moment. The old man looks up at the boy and says, “Son, it's time for you to get me a Protestant minister.”
The son is astounded. “But, Dad!” he protests, “You've been a good Catholic all you life! You're delirious. It's a priest ye be wanting now, not a minister.”
The old man looks up at him and says, “Son, please. It's me last request. Get a minister for me!”
“But, Dad,” cries the son, “Ye raised me a good Catholic. You've been a good Catholic all your life. Ye don't want a minister at a time like this!”
The old man manages to croak out the words, “Son, if you respect me and love me as a father, you'll go out and get me a Protestant minister right now.” T
he son relents and goes out and gets the minister. They come back to the house, and the minister goes upstairs and converts him. As the minister is leaving the house, he passes Father O'Malley coming quickly through the door. The minister stares solemnly into the eyes of the priest. “I'm afraid you're too late, Father,” he says. “He's a Protestant now.”
Father O'Malley rushes up the steps and bursts into the old man's room. “Pat! Pat! Why did ye do it?” he cries. “You were such a good Catholic! We went to St. Mary's together! You were there when I performed my first mass! Why in the world would ye do such a thing like this?”
“Well,” the old man says as he looks up at his dear friend. “I figured if somebody had to go, it was better one of *them* than one of *us*.”

[tomo]

[tomo]

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?" 😀

[Joz]

[LeeM]

 That just about covers their intellect 

[tomo]

[tomo]

Two leprechauns went to the convent and begged an audience with the Mother Superior. “Well, how can I help you little people?” asked Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked “Oh Mother Superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns here at the convent?”
“No,” says Mother Superior, “I don't have any midget nuns here at the convent.”
“All right then, Mother Superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?”
“No, no,” replied Mother Superior, “I don't know of any nuns who are also midgets in all of Ireland at all.”
“Well then Mother Superior, in all of nundom, in the whole world of all the nuns, would you be knowing, then, of any midget nuns?”
“No, I would not; there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!” replied Mother Superior, “and would you please tell me what this is all about!!?”
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the other leprechaun and said “See, it’s as I told you all along… you've been dating a penguin!”

[3legs]

[Joz]

[Joz]

[tomo]

[tomo]

[Joz]

[Joz]

[LeeM]

Knew I'd be scarred opening this thread when I saw the thumbnail, but couldn't quite work out what it was 🤮